(by Chelsea Fagan)
1. “Oh, my god, they’re finally watching it. They’re finally going to see it. Must organize all snacks and blankets and pillows so that no one has to move during the next two hours.”
2. “Also must remember not to mouth along the words to all my favorite parts, lest I look like a crazy person.”
3. “Why are they not looking at the screen? They are blinking too much — they’re going to miss all of the good shit!”
4. “They didn’t laugh at the funny part. Why didn’t they find that funny?”
5. “Is this movie actually not that good at all and I just have really shitty taste in entertainment?”
6. “Lol, no, this movie is the best.”
7. “I know that they’re technically watching it, but it feels like they’re not really seeing it. They clearly think this is just some movie like any other.”
8. “No, you can’t get up to pee. WHO GETS UP TO PEE WHEN THE BIG REVEAL IS ABOUT TO COME ON THE SCREEN.”
9. “Ugh, it doesn’t matter if we put it on pause, the whole momentum of the movie is completely ruined now. They’re not even going to remember where we were when they get back.”
10. “Maybe I’m laughing too hard at the jokes and it’s making them uncomfortable.”
11. “I really need to get online after this and talk to some people who can actually appreciate what this movie is about.”
12. “Why do they care if I’m staring at them through the whole thing? I already know it by heart, I just want to make sure their eyeballs are absorbing it in the right way.”
13. “Of course they cough during that line. Of course.”
14. “I’m never showing a movie to anyone ever again, it’s totally not worth it.”
15. “Am I visibly sweating?”
16. “God, if this is the kind of lackluster reaction they’re having to this when it’s right in front of them, I had better never show them the Tumblr fandom.”
17. “Wow, I totally can’t enjoy these love scenes when there’s someone sitting next to me. They need to leave me alone with my movie for a minute.”
18. “Oh my god, they hated it. They completely hated it. I can’t even believe how much they hated it, it’s not even funny.”
19. [Speaking] “WASN’T THAT AMAZING?!?!?!?!??!!”
Just a little true.
…when everything is hilarious and I start to make bad posting decisions on tumblr, sharing things that I will inevitably not find funny tomorrow morning. But screw the future me, present me is loopy and willing to make regrettable choices!
Duly noted. I will have my chiropractor’s number handy, then.
Good tips for any photographers out there, or people who just want to look better in their pictures.